February 8, 2018

“Evald Ilyenkov’s Philosophy Revisited” (English, German and Russian Edition) by Vesa Oittinen
Paperback: 372 páginas
Editor: Kikimora Publications
ISBN-10: 9514592638
ISBN-13: 978-9514592638

I was really glad (even confused in this “post modernistic” age of nonsense and “alternate facts”) when I noticed that Ilyenkov’s Philosophy was being reevaluated/reborn. I got a bit more hopeful about a book I have been dreaming about: “Our ideas and our minds: from Plato to Ilyenkov” (part of which was already drafted by himself ;-)). His work, like anything with true value, was loved by some, hated by other, disregarded by no one who knew of it. He, some sort of maverick engendered by the “best genes” of the “society as integral, wholesome unit” classical tradition in German Philosophy (especially Hegel and Marx (German was one of his Ls) and from that point of view he read/interpreted Spinoza and Descartes), considered himself to be a Marxist-Leninist and Lenin “a son of the West” (statement, which like many other, had its crucial core of truth to it and wasn’t taken as an odd joke by the policing and political apparatus of the status quo. He was deprived of his academic seat).
Even though Consciousness Studies have become the thing du jour, among the philo of mind kinds of folks you don’t hear many (actually no one!) crediting Russian/Soviet era philosophers for thoroughly explaining to us what the mind-body link is all about, especially Ilyenkov, Vigotsky, Luria and Lotman, but, also, Leontiev and many other belonging to the critical Zeitgeist of the Soviet shestidesiatnik intellectuals, told us clear and loud that it is: -our semiosis- (Veresov’s article: pages 135 and 140 and throughout the book). Ilyenkov went as far as explaining to us that Hegel suggested how you could actually prove it: using corpora research. Yes, I know it sounds more than half way off that you could prove something which nature is not physical or logical, but essentially semantic/philosophical. Reread Ilyenkov with an eye out for the passages in which he writes about Hegel’s view about the intra- and intertextuality that the concept of the general entails.
Something, which is quite “illogical”, hopeless, and, yet, hopeful in a broader sense (and here I am not talking about “isms”, but humanity) is that they were “rough rooming” a tight space with the “official, party-line philosophy”, working under quite adverse conditions, including Stalinist-type persecution during those times, however the best gringos with “their freedoms” seem to have been able to come up with have been those Pavlovian/Skinnerian/Delgadian preposterous ball shoot embraced by social-control psychologists and, of course, police and politicians about the mind being an illusion; so-called “AI”; that “computers should be granted ‘human rights'” (not the people they kill in their “signature strikes” based on algorithms); “the Gaia hypothesis” (the Universe has some sort of Hegelian gringo spirit) and “pragmatism”, which to me is not an honest philosophy but more like some sort of “white-man-burden” self-serving ideation. As what seems to be a balancing act, I hear that “the West” has lately owned the socio-historical methodology.
The text would have greatly benefited from some very basic editing and proofreading. At times you would find the same sentence written three times (including errors (page: 162)). I am not proposing an “Ilyenkov for dummies” kind of book, but the teacher in me tells me that ideas were not clear enough for “the general public” in times when Ilyenkov’s philosophy would be very clarifying to “We the people”. The whole book should have been written more in the style of Andrew Chitty’s excellent piece: “Social and Physical Form: Ilyenkov on the Ideal and Marx on the value-form”. I would suggest to all philo of mind, corpora research and “AI” kinds of folks to, at the very least, read this book.
In total the text contains 20 articles (including the foreword; a brief, nice and true introduction by Vesa Oittinen and one in Russian by Ilyenkov himself): 14 in English, 3 in Russian and 3 in German. Being it about Ilyenkov, I would have bought that book even if it was written in Sanskrit, but I think Ruslania for the next editions should tidy up, expand and consider, at least to translate to English the articles in Russian and German; better yet, offer at least the three versions of the book! I hear that Ilyenkov’s philosophy is highly regarded even by old world cultures like the Japanese. That would facilitate translations. I went to school in Germany, but the few days I spent visiting Saint Petersburg were not enough to learn Russian. It is not everyone who would learn Russian to be able to read the work of all those no-nonsense philosophers in their mother tongue. I would suggest actually starting every chapter with his actual writings (or a summary) and then the opinions, discussions of later scholars. Next time, “Debt: the first 5,000 years”‘ David Graeber should be invited to give an anthropological account of social relations not mediated by money, about which Ilyenkov wrote, as well.
Ilyenkov’s mocking of Kant’s “Ding an sich” thing (pun intended) was rightly brought to task and the de-Saussurean signifie[d/r] dichotomy (or his cannibalization of such ideas by old world cultures) was reevaluated, contextualized. Kant, who hopelessly appealed to our sense making abilities, rationality and morality warned us about the dangers of armamentism. We humans have been “glorified” (“damaged” some other people would say) with the kinds of ridiculously metabolically expensive cellular freaks that set apart Plantae from Animalia (neurons). That is why we have politicians, celebrities and royalty; watch TV; hear “‘God’ telling us things”, … “One of these days” (as the song goes) we/humankind (taking along Nature) will “return to dust” by ourselves, destroying the ecological very fine and complex negentropic balance that propitiated life on earth and herewith destroy all forms of life within what seems to be 13.4 billion light years away (current farthest reach of telescopes looking out into the “big bang” nonsense). There will be no biological life, no consciousness, … but the physical reality on which it supervenes would not have even “noticed” any of it at all, nor could it “care” if it did. We would have destroyed all forms of de-Saussurean signifie[r]s as they would meaningfully relate to us. No one will ever know about “the trees that fell in our anomalous, little-frt tiny section of the forest of the Universe” anyway. There will be no more forests, minds or worries, language or philosophies. Still there will be matter, gravitational and EM waves zipping carelessly through the Universe, …: “Dinge an sich”.
My path towards “Ilyenkovian enlightenment” started when I was still a teenager at the school of Physics at the University of Havana/Cuba. We were solving a simple problem about kinetic energy and someone forgot to multiply (1/2) to m*v^2 but got the right result anyway (because it was a common factor across the equation since the potential energy/height was constant). One of our great teachers (Medel) then mentioned as a marginal comment that: “there was nothing wrong with using that expression for the kinetic energy, that at some point in the history of Physics its (syntactic expression) was written like that!!!” That idea blew my mind! How on earth could the syntactic expression of a concept “change” (sure, words’ meanings and written forms do change, but physically grounded concepts?!?), “have a history” (actually, a downright interesting one!). Then I noticed that even the syntactic expression of the concept of distance has “changed”, that the history of its “change” goes back to Euclid’s very “the Elements”, the qualms many Mathematicians had about the V postulate ever since and the many attempts at “proving” it, debasing its status (such obsession about “an esoteric subtlety” over millennia which philosophers took as “utter nonsense” (BTW, we Mathematicians were right!)). Similar “changes” you will even notice with the evolution of the musical scale … and Yuri Lotman told us that the same also happens in societies (about which I am not too convinced). For whatever reason those matters kept bouncing around my head (I didn’t even know there was a thing called “semiotics”) until for totally unrelated reasons, about a decade later, I met a University professor (School of Philology’s Redonet) who at the end of our nightlong, dense conversation, right before going back to work the next morning, took a small book out of his briefcase and gave it to me, telling me to read it. I briefly looked at it (a “MIR” Publishing House book translated to Spanish) and then I realized that it was about some Marxist philosopher, so, I quietly put it down and took that professor’s suggestion as part of the whole nonsense of suggesting to me “to forget about Physics, Math, coding … and ‘write'” (we don’t need any more “footnotes to Plato”, nor do I have protagonistic complexes strong enough to believe that “writings” by me or anyone else would make any difference. Pretty much all has been said and written already, we just haven’t understood and probably won’t ever understand it!). Some other day I was angry and as a way to diffuse my anger somehow, I picked up that book and … Great Lord! I haven’t been able to put it down ever since! I then wondered how did that professor know that “I needed to read that book” (was he able to somehow “read my mind”? ;-)) and discovered that Ilyenkov was, more than revered, worshiped by many of my friends, none of which liked “communism” but were able to still see the good in those largely underrated Russian/Soviet philosophers. I have read books from authors such as Chaplin’s own autobiography, Primo Levi’s “Survival in Auschwitz” and Orwell’s “1984” that have explained my life to myself. Ilyenkov explained to me my mind. To me he is my Elegua (the African Yoruba deity, patron of all paths, one’s own meaningful steering of one’s life). I don’t totally, 100% agree with the ins and outs of his philosophy, (nor do I with all articles in this book: How on earth could there be “technologies of truth”?, “theory of mind” has a very specific meaning in consciousness studies, …) but he is such an honest philosopher and brilliantly wrote his ideas in a way that he even helps you see exactly where and how you would disagree with his philosophy. In fact, just by questioning Ilyenkov I am greatly helped towards explaining my own ideas “in one or two sentences”: page 85 (citing Ilyenkov’s Dialektik des Ideellen (Muenster 1994) page: 71 (my translation from German)): “… the primary difference of a thinking object from the way any other object would move, which was clearly enough seen, but was not fully understood by Descartes and his followers, is given by the fact that the thinking object actively creates the form of its movement (its trajectory) in space in relation to other objects”. Ilyenkov had that Spinozean-Piagetian way to identify consciousness “simply” as the “movement” of thinking objects in the space which we share with non-thinking ones (non-living objects and Plantae (I would not exclude “inferior” animals)) by means of, -through- the engineering and social technologies (such as a the level and language) we have created. I may not fully get his point, but I find that idea so “simple” that to me it amounts to saying that you could “read someone’s/people’s mind” by observing, “patterning” and crosscorrelating their actions and/or -fully- determine what they think by doctoring what reaches their perception, which is one of the fundamental tenets in the mindset of the “watchers” in the 24×7 social-control, “if you have nothing to hide …” panopticon we live in nowadays, likely to not only detrimentally influence the mind of individuals, cultures and society at large, but also bring the worst out of themselves. Yet, you would be discarding the crucial dialectic between the inner and outer intersubjective (respectively :”reflective” and “expressive”) dialectic, -always conscious- in one way or another, enabling the immer werdende characteristic of one’s own self through our semiosis maintaining an intrinsically mutual balance between both aspects. That dialectic is the core of valuation (monetary, semantic or any other kind). Es gibt keine Chomskyan “körperlose Seele” oder “‘morphologisch’ (in the sense of being fixed) Schemata im Gehirn” (I would admit, however, that the capacity to -functionally- establish higher order associations, on which our ability to generalize supervenes, is innate to neurons/nervous systems (I think that is why our fingers/thumb and lips are disproportionately overrepresented in our cortical homunculi and why they are related and overlap)).
Reflections and expressions always happen in tandem from our socially established norms (such as using money) to our most private conscious states (one’s own dreams which ideas we learned socially), intrinsically manifesting at every stage their semiotic de-Saussurean-like signifie[d/r] dichotomy. Athenians invented democracy as a transparently and directly open way to fully manage their society in order to defend themselves from the hugely more powerful Persian empire and testable brain activity is accompanied by our private dreams’ ideations. As culturally pointed out by Mathematicians, the many visually-motivated, mistaken attempts to prove the V postulate in The Elements, were not only “personal” but also part of the Mathematical Zeitgeist. The inextricability of both intersubjective aspects of our semiosis happen even across species. We were able to communicate just fine with anaerobic beings we had never seen before and which ecology would have thought of as impossible, living under extreme physical conditions (aphotic depth of the oceans, no oxygen, excruciatingly high temperatures and pressure around the thermal vents of the mid-Atlantic ridge), which biology in general and nervous systems in particular are very different than ours (Earth Story The Deep: youtube:RIQ9ttnJQWQ&t=41m20s). There is nothing bio-chemically specific or exclusively human about consciousness. In fact, all things considered, social animals such as ants are way smarter than we are (measurably tested as the ration of neurons/ganglional cells to what they are able to accomplish).
My favorite articles were Jantzen’s, Friedrich’s and Knuuttila. The only article I didn’t quite like was David Bakhurst’s in which he put on his detective coat and tried his “mind reading” skills (and some “mind reading” at that!). We all know Ilyenkov committed suicide (generally speaking, I don’t agree with such decisions for more than one good reason), yet, that book was not about his certainly interesting autobiography, but his work. Recycling memes: “it takes a giant to stand on the shoulders of giants …, not in their way”. I bought and studied Bakhurst’s book about Ilyenkov/Soviet Philosophy anyway, which I found much better than his article.


Herr Fritzl and his cellar: by far the craziest sh!t I have ever heard of …

July 27, 2017

// __ The Secrets of the Austrian Cellar
The rationalization of Herr Fritzl story is that his mother abused him. Psychology is like voo-doo, I am amazed that people respect such bullsh!tters. To me they are like “mentocrats”. Politicians of the mind.

Something I “learned” in the U.S. is that people who were “abused” as children abuse other people as adults. In Latin America and the Caribbean kids get spanked regularly mostly by their mothers when they misbehave, but you don’t see them becoming more or less abusive as adults than in any other country. In countries like Korea teachers were allowed to spank even teens in classes to discipline them!

My own mother was quite violent and emotionally so. She would spank me and my siblings and then try to hide her own pain and tears from us. The most annoying part about her spankings was the long and even “deductively axiomatic” explanations about why she would spank me. At times I just wanted to get spank without explanatory introductions ;-)

But she was never abusive or morally base in any way. She did abuse me in the right ways ;-): making me take communion classes in the Cuba of the 60’s Sunday mornings, exactly at the time I wanted to play baseball with my friends (even though she was more of a leftist because “she didn’t trust this thing about politicians telling people what and how to think”). She told me that I was also annoying like I demanded explanations about everything I knew of and how I was not easy to convince

Yet her spankings were no match to how “difficult” I was as a kid even when I was a little boy (doing potentially fatal things like swimming in the open ocean (other kids had died), constantly cutting out of elementary school, coming back home after midnight …)

Srinivasa Iyengar Ramanujan

March 18, 2017

I totally forgot when was the last time I read a non technical book (that is, prose). Right now I am enduring reading a non technical book about Ramanujan’s life (the Indian Mathematical prodigy/genius):

// __ The Man Who Knew Infinity: A Life of the Genius
Ramanujan, by Robert Kanigel
Paperback: 464 pages
Publisher: Washington Square Press; Media Tie-In edition (April 26, 2016)
ISBN-10: 1476763496

Book, which I would have titled: “The Kid Who Saw Infinity”.

I learned about Ramanujan (Rah-MAH-noo-jnm) when I was in school. My interest in semiotics made me bounce onto him once again (via Jacques Hadamard’s “Psychology of Invention in the Mathematical Field” > Hardy’s “Mathematician’s Apology” …), this time with the disposition and time to learn more about him:

// __ PAW – Panda Art Works (52:15): Documentary on Math Genius Srinivasa Ramanujam
// __ Indian Diplomacy (50:43): SRINIVASA RAMANUJAN: The Mathematician & His Legacy
// __ shivaraj fathate (1:48:36): infinity Indian Mathematician Srinivasa Ramanujan
My main interest being eventually a consciousness study about the dynamics among authors, cultures and societies.

I am putting up with all the paternalistic (yet, very well philosophically, anthropologically, historically framed) cr@p in that book and I am not finished yet, but I wonder what the “explanation” will be for Ramanujan’s unfortunately early death due to health related reasons at 32.

I think it was Hardy’s mistake to charter his friend Neville with his quasi-kidnap to Britain even during WWI, which, as “hospital” as they were, Ramanujan never liked. OK, in those times there was no Internet and all those Royal fellows in Britain were taken aback by that “Indian clerk” no one had heard of and who hadn’t even finished his Bachelor’s and would shun basic school exams (which I find quite extreme, my only way to make sense of this is that Ramanujan didn’t want for anything to interfere between his Mathematics and “the voice of God”); yet, he was bringing the whole field of Mathematics to new and unsuspected heights.

I have lived in a foreign country not as a tourist or “missionary”, but pretending to be “a Roman while in Rome”. There are very true under currents and corollaries to the Biblical: “you are not a prophet in your land”. My predicative coda to that one liner is “because you will always be preaching to the choir of your own belief system”, so, you will never become the proverbial “Roman” as forcefully and illusively as you may try.

It has been repeatedly insinuated in that book (my take) that Ramanujan was basically, somewhat violently cajoled not only by the British but also his own people, into exchanging the b#llsh!t of the Indian caste system (his Brahmin status) for the British (fellow of the Royal Society) one, but what they are not taking into consideration is that that was the kind of sh!t “he knew”, the kind of sh!t he was, the pillars underpinning his consciousness … that even though (especially Hardy would take that as some unbelievably preposterous nonsense) he could not understand when Ramanujan would tell him that he paid attention to, was lead by “the voice of God” … (as some sort of proof guiding him through the paths of his equations).

Britons seemed to have forgotten the kind of guy their most beloved Sir Isaac Newton was. Did he not only keep more extensive notes about all sorts of crazed ideas and topics other than “Natural Philosophy”, but, as a determined alchemist, almost fatally poison himself.

// __ The Strange, Secret History of Isaac Newton’s Papers
I don’t think that author Robert Kanigel is trying to poke fun at the way Ramanujan would strut around in Western shoes …, I can’t help, but feeling viscerally offended, who the preposterous eff are we Westerners to try to “Westernize” him “for the greater good”, as a “‘white’ man burden” kind of thing … Why being “hospitable” to him? Why not just letting him -be-? In fact, letting him be in India, with possible short periods of time in Britain, probably Hardy visiting him there too, would be best for Mathematics, Western society, India, …

When I was in school in East Germany (one of the toughest Universities in Europe even by Western standards (one the 9’s)) I found once one of my friends crying like babies. I could not understand why. Some of my friends were brilliant in Math, but could not adjust to living in a foreign country, adjust to a mindset and ways of living that was very different to the Cuban one (even though both countries were Western and “communist”). Just trying to get used to not seeing the sun at times for a week, not smelling the sea and the long and very cold winters was not easy. On top of that the new language (new languages don’t bother me, only the ones I do articulate ;-)) and the chunk of expected University work one had to produce … would make seemingly tough people “cry like babies”.

Ramanujan Carr Synopsis Loney Trigonometry

stripes on the screen of a Lenovo IdeaPad S210 Touch

December 3, 2016

stripes 01

stripes 02

cubaencuentro: Obama irá a Cuba… Ya yo fui

May 22, 2016

Obama irá a Cuba… Ya yo fui
¿Qué pasará cuando regrese Obama a Washington y la autoridad isleña se sienta sin compromisos?
Miguel Cabrera Peña, Santiago de Chile | 29/02/2016 11:41 am
<hr />
Miguel, bro:

soy cubano como tú, la gran mayoría de los que nos metemos aquí, los que decidan o no ir, cuán frecuente o por las razones que lo hagan. En mi caso particular, por decirlo así, hace más de 20 años (que definitivamente son algo) que estoy ausente al recuento en el combinado.

No entiendo cual es tu tanta molestia por “la humillación del ser humano” esa de que hablas, los problemas de “Barack Obama y del mundo democrático” …

La policía en Cuba actúa a la cara. Eso no es nada nuevo y vivir en el yuma (que según supongo pertenezca a ese “mundo democrático” del cual hablas) me ha hecho ver muy claramente que lo prefiero así a como actúa la policía en el yuma.

Como, según dices, trabajas para Radio Martí (se me había hasta olvidado) puede que “no me entiendas” o que el “trabajar” para ellos te halla “educado” tu entendimiento y poder de razionalización:
// __ Targeted Individuals: what the US .01% MUST do to avoid arrests for obvious crimes centering in war, money, lies

Targeted Individuals: what the US .01% MUST do to avoid arrests for obvious crimes centering in war, money, lies
Aunque vivamos en la libertad hay algo que no dejamos los cubanos jamás: el ser orilleros.

Hace algún tiempo atrás (antes de Snowden) hablaba sobre los CDR en la “libertad”:

Como listo periodista y conocedor de la represión “isleña” que dices ser me pregunto como es que no notas el filón periodístico que tuviera semejante antropología comparativa. Pero, bueno, puede que eso no sea “democrático” o “responsable” como suelen decir en el NY Times.

Te digo, quiero que lleguen la “democracia” y la “libertad” a Cuba yá, pero me pregunto que alucinantes carajos le importa a Obama ni a ningún politico yuma esa “democracia” y “libertad” de que hablas en Cuba ni en ningún otro lugar …

Los yumas ni siquiera saben donde está Cuba “with both their hands on their @ss”



April 9, 2016

The FBI’s plan to enlist community leaders in “Shared Responsibility Committees” all across the country with the goal of identifying “radicalized” individuals is raising alarm among civil rights activists.

“Shared Responsibility Committees” …

“SRC”. They just missed one letter and one permutation while comparing it with “CDR”.

They keep out-1984ing -1984 itself. Castro communism and Chávez socialists call them CDR, Nazi’s institutionalized Jewish Ghetto Police (not “Jüdische gemeinsame Verantwortung Ausschüsse”)

and Jewish people asked even Nazis for clemency from their brutality, but of course when we do it it is called “Shared Responsibility Committees” only freedom hating lowlifes would do such things as socially persecuting other people.

All building superintendents in NYC are forced by their landlords to double as snitches for the the NYPD (I doubt they get any money for “working” for them) and they have instituted something called “nexus” in NYC. Basically all business owners from University Departments to barbershops (including filthy bodegas) must include snitching cells for the NYPD/FBI.

The FBI’s ideas is to have social service workers, teachers, mental health professionals, religious figures, and others interdict young people they believe are on a path towards radicalization.

… and we will not only pay you to do “believe” young people are “‘on a path’ towards radicalization”, but we will leave to your own creative fancy the interpretation of what that “being ‘on a path’ towards radicalization” could possibly mean.

Sorry, since we are “responsible” we can’t share with you our own interpretations of “”‘on a path’ towards …” thing

Experts acknowledge the need to have options beyond sending young people to jail for making threatening statements.

Wouldn’t those self-considered “experts” acknowledge the need to do something about USG greatly surpassing the genocidal ratio of Nazi Germany during WWII?

Oh, wait! How is it they say? “if you see something, say something” so the problem may be those “experts” don’t see any of that.

Arun Kundnani, an adjunct professor at New York University and expert on U.K. counterterrorism policy, said he worries that the U.S. program would “suffer from the same problems, such as drawing non-policing professionals into becoming the eyes and ears of counter-terrorism surveillance, and thereby undermining professional norms and relationships of trust among educators, health workers and others.”

There goes U.S. Academia

Here you have NYU graduate Imam Khalid Latif

// __ Faith Under Fire: A Response from Imam Khalid Latif
even though I do see he is trying to soften animosity against Muslim people and from his position he could do that very well, I can’t understand at all how he could work for the police.

That to me is way more than enough to not even be able to listen to him in a physical sense regardless of whatever he says, how poetic he tries to sound and how “funny” he tries to be as part of his persuasive appeal.

Do you have to become a pig to defend justice? Probably he just finds cool dressing a NYPD uniform and wearing a taqiyah.

As he relates, he has found himself in really odd situations. He makes fun of the FBI and points out to them their hypocrisy, but he doesn’t see his own. Do you have to become a pig to defend justice, stand against abuse?

But this is completely contrary to both the experience of the U.K., where about 80 percent of Channel referrals are rejected as unfounded.

It is exactly that 20% they find very profitably substantial. They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, right?

there are no predictors or indicators of who is going to become a terrorist

but they need “terrorists” (other than themselves) how on earth will they justify their salaries? I haven’t still gotten an explanation from USG as to why the have included me in the FBI criminal index.

USG: “Sorry, we can’t share with you our predictors or indicators, because if we do, then it will be all too clear we got them from the “personality profiles” from Nazi era and stasi psychopathic psychologists.

In fact there is no rocket science as to how USG has been using those “predictors” and “indicators”: the NSA stratifies the patterns of behavior of every one of us (super basic Math + data analysis + More Law’s when it comes to hardware) and if you show just a shred of “unnorm” or just “peculiar” individuality (for example, I don’t own a cell phone or TV set, nor am I on facebook …) they first start messing with you (breaking your car’s windows, switching lights on and moving things around in your apartment …), afterwards they make one of their snitches whom you are acquainted with come up to you or someone (dressed in expensive shoes …) stand on a street corner or place you regularly frequent and suggest to you to “share responsibility”; then, if you refuse to become a snitch then you become a “targeted individual” for the rest of your life, which includes character assassination and -physical- torture to you and your family members:

Targeted Individuals: testimony of current government covert torture & control experiments

Targeted Individuals: what the US .01% MUST do to avoid arrests for obvious crimes centering in war, money, lies

Law enforcement agencies faced with a mandate of preventive policing of terrorism cases say that they are often compelled to err on the side of making arrests

There wouldn’t be anything wrong with “erring on the side of making arrests” if they would apply it in a just way. What about implicating as terrorists those patriots killing at times hundreds of people without even knowing who they are (you just fit their pattern recognition metrics), just because they can?

Oh, no wait! Of course, those rules don’t apply to them because they are our glorious, patriotic freedom lovers! Also, they are not killing them they are just using high tech to degrade their biological live to a baseline physical one. Besides the people they kill are not even human beings to begin with. Are they describe by Western media as such?

There are a lot of attacks on heavy handed counterterrorism approaches, like informants and agent provocateurs, but that’s the status quo now until we have other options.”

… “until we have ‘other options'”?

But, Hughes said, the responsibilities of the interveners would need to be well defined

I keep suggesting to USG to come out of the closet. If you actually believe in something you should do it in the open and transparently.

Castro’s CDRs sport a big sign “in very street block” (“en cada cuadra un comité”).

If they have survived both an inhuman embargo (actually costing human lives) and such things as “freedom-lovingly” blowing up in mid flight a plane packed with teenagers

and the end of their life line: the fall of the soviet union, sporting a life expectancy higher than the U.S. and even Denmark, sure can gringos survive “terrorism” just fine

if SRCs are going to succeed. For instance, there are concerns that the social worker or mental health professional who fails to tell the FBI someone poses a threat before they go out and commit an attack might be held civilly liable by families of the victims.

this is past sarcasm, really callous joke!

“But the FBI is not listening to the community advocates, they’re listening to the people receiving grants, who are paid to put programs like this into place.”

How strange, right?

truth and peace and love,

Cuba …

January 31, 2016

Once I was talking to a Spanish friend (from Spain) who was talking in ways that showed she liked “‘her’ country” in a especial way (even using the possessive “my” referring to “country” doesn’t sound quite right to me). It occurred to me that I don’t think or feel “my country” in quite the same way, even though I don’t hate my people at all or dislike Cuba (the island in the Caribbean). In fact, I like my people for very particular reasons. I thought (and to a certain extent still think) that “love for your homeland” is another of the illusions fostered by politicians and such wholesale b#llsh!tt3rs for their own schemes. To me “loving your homeland” is like the childish playground stunt: “my mama is better than yours”.

Still, most people make a big deal about “your/their backgrounds” when in fact it is, like many other aspects relating to “social contracts” such as your ethnic group, religion …; contrived by factors you have no way of influencing whatsoever. You are whatever you are because of the reality you were given birth into by your mother, family; the cultural customs of the ethnic groups they belonged to …

OK, that doesn’t totally determine who you are, your own believes in an “A-implies-B” way, but it does frame your ways to see reality. I was married to a great woman who would repeat to me: “you ‘see’ what you -know-” I don’t totally agree with it and I have clearly seen this is only partially true. She was right. At some point we started to have conjugal problems and she recommended we both seek counseling on our own and as a couple. And, who am I to date to disagree with my wife!?! ;-), so I did go to see my “loquera” twice (even though to me it was total b#llsh!t). In our first visit, she asked me: “what brings you here?”. I explained to her that after having a (loving, yet) very tough mother, now I am dealing with a tough wife … She went like: ” …, but what is the problem? Most boys marry their mothers and they don’t even notice it … because, this is what they know”. When I told my wife about it she told me: ” …, but you are not supposed to take at face value what they tell you” ;-)

I grew up in the Cuba of the 60’s during the initial years of the Revolution, as part of a family of high-profile political dissidents, anarchists and musicians. When I was a little boy I thought being an “undesirable minority” was some sort of fastidious curse, chronic disease. Children do notice sh!t that doesn’t seem to be right, but you can’t understand why or exactly how so. Now I find it super cool and profitable since it put my consciousness on another level and made me wonder about the human condition from an unfavorably true perspective.

Some people say it is just fear. I know it isn’t, it is way more complicated than that. Yet, in a sense, I did despise my people for not fighting Castro. Something interesting that I find about my people is that they have endured 6 decades of dictatorship and still are “Cubans”. A generally good people known for their love for music and dancing.

// __ El Lado Oscuro de CUBA (1/2) (2/2)

When people talk about “Cubans” some people talk about us as a doomed people, some other as healthy and educated, as being unproportionally good in sports, sciences (Cubans are only 2% of Latin Americans and make for 11% of their scientists, Cuba has more doctors per capita than any other country …), but those would know us really would say that what really sets us apart is our sense of humor, our “bitchiness”.

Western people would not understand that I would not even know how to translate it. It is like the elaborate sense of sarcasm people have in NYC. It is called “choteo”, “cuero”, “jodedera”; a viscerally merciless way to poking people with jokes about their own believes, family … There was that Cuban comedian who said that “funerals turn out so badly because people don’t rehearse them” ;-). I remember people cracking jokes to the police while they were being handcuffed and even the Castros cracking jokes themselves and being angry about those “counterrevolutionary” jokes (right after their remarks jokes were running in Havana)

I think it was Chaplin who said that comedians are above politicians. Neurobiologists say the a good sense of humor is proof of a healthy brain/mind. Moreover, I can’t understand why the NSA spy on other people and goes about their Kremlinology, when just paying attention to people’s jokes is more than enough. Gringos seem to have a hard time with jokes:


// __ Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa

// __ Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa’s Feelings?

// __ Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program–a6-4

// __ Gap Unveils New ‘For Kids By Kids’ Clothing Line

// __ Queen Will Leave Behind Long Legacy Of Waving

// __ China’s Andy Rooney Has Funny Opinions On How Great China Is


They don’t seem to understand cracking jokes about themselves. They would find it “disrespectful”, “offensive”. They don’t even see the point of cracking jokes.

My people are exceptionally good a cracking jokes about themselves. Something peculiarly funny about Cuban people is that they name a cold virus “La Traviata” (Verdi’s) and argue about the importance of the Barroque in Latin America (as a way to criticize the government’s agenda)


// __ corto cubano, Utopía

// __ Nicanor O’Donnell (4) Homo Sapiens – 2006

// __ Nicanor O’Donnell (6) Brainstorm – 2009

// __ Película ” Alicia en el pueblo de maravillas ”

// __ José Martí: El ojo del canario



It turns out that was my neighborhood when I was a child I have been dreaming about lately so I tried to find pictures and here I am …

La Comunidad Hebrea is on I % 13 y 15. Why didn’t you show pictures of the whole building? They also own the large theater next to the synagogue.
I used to live on the other side of the same block J % 13 y 15. But we had ways to get there climbing walls. We kids used to fight for those areas ;-)

You don’t mention a pizza parlor Montecatini on J y 15. Does it still exist?

When I was a kid, aspie me knew and kept a mental map of everything, everybody, their dogs, … within a mile (all the way to el Malecón (I still miss the smell of the sea around Havana)). I kind of still wonder what happened to all those people and places?

Your impressions felt a bit like Karen Muller’s excellent documentary.

Now your impressions somehow got into my nostalgic dreams ;-)

Some of my best friends: Franklin, his brother Javier were Jewish (heck! What was the name of Franklin’s nice and true girlfriend? I have her name right now on the tip of my tongue (Eva?)). I did notice they were a bit different even though I didn’t quite understand how or why

Also, I did notice you have started to like Cuba too much ;-) it is true that people in Cuba love José Martí to an unhealthy degree, but Cuba is a “socialist” country ;-)

Thank you,

Demnach wird entschieden: …

October 19, 2015

1) Die Einreise in die Schweiz wird nich bewilligt

2) Das Asylgesuch aus dem Ausland wird abgelehnt

Response to Scheiz: 17923869 (abgelehnt 25, September 2015)

Stages of crushes?

July 20, 2015

I just dreamed of her -again- … and, yes, like in all dreams you can clearly see, to some extent, it was contrived by the stuff you had in your mind and what has happened to you those days, but still it was “her”, with “her son” who was actually relating to me in a naturally friendly way (little boys like to relate to big boys (even in my dream I could feel it)). “She” seemed to be outwardly OK with that and relaxed with her (to me) annoyingly superficial smile having fun with common acquaintances and friends in a place which seemed to be the ruins of some still functioning Greco-Roman style University surrounded by some thick tropical flora during a sunny day.

The dream I had about her before was that I was renting a room in a huge mansion and the landlord was showing that room to prospective renters and (in my dream) I was half sleep when she walked in the room talking with landlord and gave me a somewhat angrily aware stare letting me know “I noticed -you-“. Not that nigga me is a Freud fan at all, but a “Huge mansion”, a “Greco-Roman style building” (I did spy her a bit after that and, “sure enough”, she had managed to get her @ss into another big University in her way to stardom (you don’t want to be in someone’s way to stardom ;-))), … something I have also invariably noticed is that she doesn’t talk to me in my dreams …

I am not so sure if I could technically call “her” “my crush”, yet, in the most serendipitous way I found this video which made me laugh my head off:

// __ The 6 Stages of Having a Crush
even though half of it didn’t apply to my crush on her (like I expected that video to be perfect? ;-)) I really don’t care about 3) what “my friends”/other people would say and 5) was one of the things that stood in the way of 6) . Best parts were 1) discovery and 2) research. I had known her for quite some time already and she personally didn’t “mean” much to me. She was just “the friend of that one who gave me back ‘my’ erections” (after divorcing my wife (mostly soft issues) whom I absolutely 100% loved (wouldn’t you love a hippie who moved to the mountains in Nicaragua in the middle of a war and had to sleep in a trench to protect herself and her baby from falling bombs?) … I went through a long time of doubts about the purpose of it all. It is not even about being angry, sad; but doubting yourself). I thought of becoming bachelor me for the rest of my life when I had my “No, nigga no!” moment with her. “Don’t try to fake yourself as some cynical dude!” I love girls “in general” (that sounds womanizing doesn’t it ;-)). I fancy them to the point of giving them names I make up and even change: “the groupie” (her), “big niñita”, “Viking her” … it is mostly an irresistible playful thing my mind taxes itself with almost un-, subconsciously.

I felt like when you were a child and discovered a new word. I would say to my friends “I had actually fallen in love” and they would mock me mercilessly. One of them told me: “after reading and thinking about all that cr@p you tax your mind with you would fall in love with a hot dog” ;-). I also kind of noticed there was something that wasn’t quite right about that “falling in love” sh!t. I felt, naturally indeed, somehow like she belonged to me. I kind of fell like I didn’t care if she had her intimate life @@ (I mean, you somehow rationally realize it is not true or right). Also I am horrible at breaking away from my girlfriend in a sense I never do (I still think about and dream of girlfriends I had when I was a kid), but it takes me a little time to get a new girlfriend into “my rational and emotional mechanism”. It is like when you are trying to drive a new bike. At the start it doesn’t feel quite right. It takes you a little time to propioceptively get used to it. That happens with people, too. I felt like that woman was “mine” already. I felt and thought of her from intimately close angles and projections when we interacted just a few times at close range.

There were also hurting feelings. At times I was like: “Man, stop pulling your thing while thinking about ‘esa flaca moñúa ahí'” ;-). It also bothers my best friend to no end when I masturbate. She tells me “I am too old for that”, that “each time I masturbate I am disrespectful to all women” (and there is a part of silly me that believes her). I would quarantine myself from even thinking of it again. I would lie down in bed face down, my whole body will become very hot but I would force myself into autogenic trances and cry a bit in despair … eventually, I would fall asleep like that. Even after such a long time I watch my stash of pictures of her to feel “different”, almost psychedelically better, even if for all matters and purposes she may be dwelling on the other side of the moon.

One time she picked me for a dance and she was a bit upset because I was lousy but as we danced she second the song in Spanish in an accent free and playful way (gringas usually don’t have/understand that, they are “feminists”) I think she second “!qué chisme!” (as part of a song). She did emotionally ping me and you are like “well, that was that …” most emotional pings you get just fade in the see of emotions you go through, but for some reason that incident kept “ping”ing me. It was a bit confusing, because even though I did fancy her as I did all those women, I had never paid attention to her specifically. One day we danced again and this was when, most probably unsuspectingly to her, “she cracked my heart”. She told me she was a research Historian as we had random talks about Haiti and such matters. I noticed that she was true (she didn’t have to talk like that to me and we were in a night club). I remember it as some sort of movie in which she kinds of dances for me (it couldn’t factually had been like that (among other things ;-)) because we were dancing with each other). After that those pings little by little became a flood as I spied her online.

It was like an overwhelming force of nature. I would admit that that greater than me attraction I felt was even a bit motherly. I just wanted to be around her like a dog, in fact, I was more than ready to become a bug and cling from her pubic hair for the rest of my life. They say boys who had strong mothers are the ones who respect/worship women later in life (part of what Superwoman calls “mommy issues”); that people who were in love try to replay/reengage those feelings; that men in middle-life crisis go crazy because they notice they will die one day … It was like she was camping in my mind, more like I could somehow see her in every episode of my life, since I was a little boy wondering about who would be the sucker who would get the shiny bike (in the collective “Santa” lottery (I grew up in communist Cuba and no, it wasn’t all that unhappy, senseless)), to when I turned into a troubled, bratty teen who would call teachers stupid to their faces during classes even explaining to them why (I feel like dying when I recall that) … On January 28th (José Martí’s birthday) maestro Oropesa would come to classes with large bunches of white flowers and I would ask him about the meaning of it and why everywhere you go you would find some this or that about Martí … In Cuba José Martí is like the most purest God you could ever worship … I learned about him as an adult and I despised myself as a teen ;-). Oropesa once told me during a class (¿Que ‘pinga’ te pasa?) (What the fuck is wrong with you?) and the whole school was shocked about seeing Oropesa cursing (people thought he was only able to say nice things and declaimed poems). They did even plot to run me out of the school, but my Math and Sciences teachers were against it saying that “they couldn’t even begin to imagine why I was ‘that difficult’ during his classes, That I was an exceedingly smart teen” … They didn’t run me out of the school and I thought they would call me in for some talk, but they never did (which to me meant even worse). I kind of disliked José Martí:

// __ José Martí: el ojo del canario. avi
because my mother never read him to us and always questioned that “Martímanía” of Cuban people. I somehow felt like by loving her I would be saying “sorry” to the Universe at large for being like that as a teen ;-)

You may think of me as a “drama queen”, but even if I am not spiritually dirty (I have cheated only once) I am kind of emotionally promiscuous and I would say even a bit cynical (Picasso said of women …). I just find all of them irresistibly beautiful (well, fat women and those who smoke you can write off from my list). Descartes’ “cogito ergo sum” thing kinds of explains how you feel. You could be angry, happy, … (whatever adjective) about someone “occupying” your mind, but what you can’t deny is that she is there. It is not just a carelessly playful thing, it is taxing as hell and may be even irrevocably dangerous. I am a bit worried about her calling NATO because of this ;-) and there were two interesting research lines I pretty much dropped, because all I was thinking about was trying to smell that woman’s armpit. Bob Marley said, “the person you love will hurt/get you” (but you can choose whom you will get hurt from, really?!?). She once warned me she would call “the authorities” if I continued “poking”, bothering her (she didn’t seem to like email messages even though, to me and probably to you it wasn’t that often, menacing at all or vertically disrespectful). To her defense, I lost my mind. Sometimes I wonder how she thought of me “why is this guy so crazy about getting in my pants now, when he would not even look at me?” ;-) I even noticed how other people were aware of it (Jeez! That nigga seems to have gone crazy about that woman!). I told my best friend about it (she is Cuban, used to be my girlfriend and knows my heart). She would not believe it: “Ach! Give me sh!t! I can’t even begin to imagine that I would tell police that a boy is staring at my butt” (“and how exactly is that our business?”). Another girl I was messing with (they knew each other) actually went to the police with my email and let me know that “they knew me”. If that isn’t crazy enough to you then she tried to amend things with me! At times things that are supposed to be sad, get funny I was telling a friend (of course without mentioning names or giving any identifying cues) about “that habit of gringas of calling the police on you” and he told me he lost count of how many times it has happened to him that he doesn’t even go back to their places after he quits them. He tells them to just throw the stuff in the garbage. He then gave it an Anthropological twist: do you remember how girls in Cuba would start airing “you didn’t like women” (insinuating you were gay) when they tried to have sex with you and, for whatever reason, you didn’t please them? Well, what gringas do is call the police on you”. I could clearly see, those two women were very different; yet. they basically reacted in the same way. To which extent it is me, culture, coincidence, “all the above” …?

My best girlfriend told me: “you have no layers whatsoever and people find that very confusing, but you are not mean or abusive to women at all and if she doesn’t see that then she is not seeing you” … but the thing that really freaked me out, was that one of them whom I hadn’t bothered at all (she is a musician who plays one of my favorite instruments, well, the cello) I had seen a guy selling art on the streets (it was actually a very beautiful piece) of someone playing a cello made of industrial ends. I couldn’t resist buying it for her. Then I asked the barman to put it in front of her drink and she was amazed, delighted; when she turned to grab her drink and noticed my present without knowing who was behind it. She looked around the place a few times until she narrowed it down on me (I cared about music, she knew). Then I found out, (hopefully some other time) she had gone to complain about me to the DJ at that place who is a snitch and was even publicly boasting about “getting me” (“lo estoy cazando”). That incident with cello player truly scared the sh!t out of me. I can’t begin to comprehend why she did that. I could see she was great (even if most artist are missing some screws (I grew up among great ones)). She was those kinds of people you like “from the distance”. It is actually healthy to your senses to notice likable, nice individuals. In her case, I would not even have a clue about why she would do that. I thought and think of her as being someone sensitive, true and with a spine. Also, that kind of weird sh!t is bothering to me because police is constantly giving me sh!t, so I start wondering if it may relate to them.

You may call it ( Limerence, Unrequited_love, Obsessive_love, Infatuation, … Some people say that if there is not a component of craze in it (if you just feel “like in the movies”) then you are not really in love, but then, as they say “love is not for everyone” and I started to like “movies” (when I don’t even own a TV set) ;-). For now on I will stop using quotes while referring to her, but at least I know this is the closest I have been to madness and after so many years she is still “there” in some sort of Cartesian way (probably there has always been that place in “my heart” (as songs go). She just peed it badly).

I used examples of creative people, not because I think they are “more better” in any way, but because creative people tend to be aware of and “watch” (even purposely chase and hunt) their own feelings. Dante had his Beatrice and Chaplin had his life lasting crush on a girl he simply met when he was a kid. I once read an article on the Smithsonian: “Hemingway in love”, in which he describes his (to me cr#ppy bourgeois) story about some messy double love affair he fell to. Scott Fitzgerald (Oona Chaplin’s disapproving father) told his friend Ernest about him being sandwiched in a power relationship between those two women that it was “he the one who should be in charge of himself” … the thing is that when you fall in love none of those “logical” and “basic” matters mean anything really. For example, I have always believed that thing they say about “the truth being always somewhere else” but when it came to her I felt like she was “da sh!t an sich”. SRod had his “fantasma” kind of craze. He isn’t shy about. He even named his own company (using Arabic script) after the name of the song he composed for that woman in which he tells her things such as: “Ojalá que la luna pueda salir sin ti, que la tierra no te bese los pasos” (Hopefully the moon will shine without you, the path you go would not kiss your steps!), “Ojalá se te acabe la palabra precisa” (Hopefully you would run out precise words!), “Ojalá que tu nombre se le olvide a esa voz” (Hopefully your name will forget that voice!) … (WTF?!?). Here is youtuber Armando de la Riva ( citing SRod: Silvio Rodriguez: Ojalá yo la compuse dedicada a una mujer de nombre Emilia Sánchez, que podríamos decir fue mi primer amor. Fue un amor que tuve cuando estuve en el ejército, haciendo mi servicio militar. La conocí cuando tenía 18 años, fue mi primer amor importante en el sentido de que fue el primer amor que me enseñó cosas. Era una muchacha mucho más evolucionada que yo, mucho más inteligente, más culta. Me enseñó, por ejemplo, a César Vallejo. Después nos tuvimos que separar, estaba estudiando medicina y en fin, no le cuadró. No sé por qué estudió medicina, cosa loca de ella, en realidad siempre fue de letras. Después estudió letras, se fue a su pueblo Camagüey, a estudiar eso y yo me quedé solo aquí en la La Habana, totalmente desolado. Pasaron los años y el recuerdo de aquel amor tan bonito, tan productivo, tan útil (ojo, no confundir con utilitario), enriquecedor, de aporte a uno… pues, estaba obsesionado yo con esa idea. Y porque fue un amor frustrado, tronchado por las circunstancias, por la vida, no fue una cosa que se agotara, pues se me quedó un poco como un fantasma y por eso compuse esta canción en un momento quizás de delirio, de arrebato, de sentimiento un poco desmesurado: ojalá esto, ojalá lo otro…»

I’ve learned even more now that I have discovered teaching as when teens discover masturbating, that you have to anchor your explanations in some outer reference, prior art. To me one of the most beautiful lyrics I have ever heard is:

// __ Esta cancion – Silvio Rodriguez
To my puzzlement many people consider that song to be “sad”. I find it very beautiful and I don’t think SRod actually means “lying” when he says “me he dado cuenta de que miento; siempre he mentido, siempre he mentido …”. Since ancient times people with musing minds wondered about the being becoming dynamic and in order to steer your own consciousness into your becoming, you must “lie” to yourself quite a bit (to the point that certain kinds of lying becomes part of the core of your self; of how you are, understand things), but that “lying” sh!t starts accumulating and building up on its own until you can’t take any of it anymore. All that is needed is a few more “systemic” factors for the sh!t to hit the fan. I actually find very SRod-like that he calls that “lying”.

Sometimes I’d wish I could actually spy her though some sort of hyperspace peephole, just seeing her. I don’t care if I see her eating junk food or cheating on me @@; just imagining that somehow makes the air I breathe purer, clearer to the sun. Sometimes I am annoyed, angry, ashamed, … Once I had a 2+ hour walk to a dancing place and as I walked I thought it through and felt some kind of cosmic peace about it all, so I decided to just be at peace with it and even emotionally trained myself to go up to her and just say in a calm way “how have you been?” and (in my mental prep) she would go WTF and I would remain calm, be nice, put on a -somewhat- apologizing look and walk away … and not be angry … and … I found her at that place and all that remained in my heart was an immense feeling of peace and some sort of totally incapacitating mutism (and I thought I was totally, 100% ready for that moment ;-) and I am still writing about it) … Silly me was able to play stupid and try to not be overwhelmed by the “greater-than-me” attraction I feel towards that woman. She stared at me before leaving in a Cinderella escape and I was clueless again about what she could have possibly meant.

$ date
Tue Jul 28 17:17:21 EDT 2015

Sun Jan 24 18:32:43 EST 2016

$ date
Sun Mar 20 17:30:48 EDT 2016

// __ Hay quien precisa – coro exaudi
// __ Os anos pasan… si, a vida non. Silvio Rodríguez.wmv
$ date
Sun Sep 4 22:19:29 EDT 2016

more sueños, some truly surrealistically vertical (I am walking with el Malecón on my right and on the left she was having an animated talk with one of my students in one of those pool bars, which was huge, kind of moving/rolling on San Rafael (¿cambios in Cuba?)) . . . I told the story to my student and “to stop messing with ‘my girlfriend'”. He laughed as he was laughing in my dream . . .

more “juega tu dominó que se te va la vida ” . . .

// __ “Si seco un llanto” (Silvio Rodríguez)
// __ MALECÓN – Issac Delgado
Some “(part(s))” of me is doing just fine, some other aren’t. A love flame of any kind somehow keeps them connected. Tantalizingly reminding me it is not just some sort of “chronic disease”, that a “love flame of any kind” can be put to good use . . .

$ date
Wed Mar 22 08:35:59 UTC 2017

… February, I didn’t see Sandrine or her anyway, even if “I deserved it” …
Sh!t has gotten really tough to the point that stirring it is not “smart”, “healthy” to any extent anymore. When things started to get really rough I was like OK, sure, I can’t smell her armpit, the back of her neck, but I can stop masturbating (well, almost! OK? at least the feral drive (kind of interesting, what I think what people mean when they say they couldn’t stop drinking, smoking …)) and finish some of my big projects … (cogiendo mangos bajitos, he!?! ;-))

At times it is about survival! Also, as part of the kind of heavy sh!t I and my kind of people (“sharing the same cross”/going trough the same (USG calls us and we call ourselves “targeted individuals”)) have been enduring, the other day I found a guideline about ex-spouses stalking which shook the sh!t in me. Hmm! Is this how she sees me? Love and fear/those kinds of abusive aberrations are such opposite feelings! … Is this how she thinks of me?

I don’t see the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”, yet I am un “negro pelea”. I have been just chugging along “doing the right thing” without “thinking” about “me” or emotionally indulging in almost any effing way. At some point you kind of start feeling like some zombie.
Last Thursday, I had a prospective job interview I am very interested in (teaching Math in a prison) with a person whose work I respect very much (even though I don’t know her). I couldn’t sleep well the night before. I couldn’t take the anxiety out of my mind about how and when and to tell her “the truth”. Then I had a dream in which one of my good friends, Yasmina, was sitting on my left side and she was standing right behind me. We all attentively watched some video on a large screen in an open space when I took her hand, forearm to lovingly and thoroughly caress it. She leaned her hip on my shoulder and didn’t seem to mind my devotion … What a nice feeling! It wrapped me for almost two days!!! F#ck! People pay for therapy when just a dream can do! No, I will not tell you who this woman is ;-)
I may get my black @ss once again run out of a dancing place I go to (at times quite forcefully) to “disconnect”, do something “different” (which “your mind” definitely needs). Last time I found my mind lost in the chords of some song as I was noticing a lady who felt familiar to me (her friend? (I have always had a hard time trying to visually tell people apart, they have to talk to me, put on some mannerism …)) Then I realized which song was it, one of the few songs from Carlos Varela, which feels a lot like the Havana I grew up and very much enjoyed as a child:

// __ Habaname por Carlos Varela
… somehow I ended up remembering the best “explanation” of how that “flaca moñúa ahí” feels …

// __ Carlos Varela – Monedas Al Aire [HQ]
Notice how she doesn’t talk to me (-she never does-), how she retracks her hand away from me and I freak out a bit; then, when I try to kiss her, she kinds of would but doesn’t. In my mind, she is barefoot throughout and the silly Abbey Road connotation cannibalized in that video may have been owned better by using paper stripes and making vans blow them gracefully as she danced on them. Carlos Varela often does (so, he must like (and is also good at it)) interject other songs’ themes into his own songs:

Mi loquito is way too philosophical and understand poetry in a different way a more substantive to the point of corrupting, devaluing adjective functions. What I never liked about him to the point of finding him silly, is that:

1) he is un muelero (pa’ muelero Castro with his 4 hour speeches for which they even awarded him a Guinness record). You easily feel the heaviness of the words to poetry/meaning ratio of his lyrics.

2) he is too punk, pastilloso for my taste. I think this is just laziness. Entertaining Cuban styles will make for him and his music harder to stand out on the rich musical, song writing/poetical background. Compare his silly melodies and harmonies to the ICAIC musical experimentation band ones directed by Leo Brouwer (but Camilo …, well yes! ;-))

3) to me, most of the times when he tries to be poetic it doesn’t come right out of him. To me his best accomplished, most poetic songs are:

// __ Jaque Mate 1916
// __ Carlos Varela canta “25 Mil Mentiras Sobre La Verdad” en concierto Paz Sin Fronteras, La Habana
Are you sure you don’t like Varela’s songs? ;-) In fact, his band’s musicians were my good friends (Mestre, Elio, Manos torpes, …) and we personally know each other. He even rehearsed a few times at my place. He seemed to not like me (probably because he sensed I didn’t find his sh!t that impressive? Artists, like women are generally very sensitive to such issues or was it that he didn’t understand my kind of outright “f#ck you” to the status quo in Cuba and knew very well I was un “apestado”?) Anyway, I used to like that he was the song writer that would manage to crowd Habana’s venues with the largest numbers of nice girls looking for trouble ;-) with songs like . . .
// __ Graffiti de Amor – Carlos Varela

“… desde entonces prohibieron dibujar lo que sentía el alma para cuidar y encadenar la calma …”
// __ Carlos Varela – pequeños sueños
Sure!, esos pequeños sueños are the ones helping us deal with the coil of life. What do I get out of my “philosophizing” and crude, seemingly uncouth eccentric poetic sense (provided I had options ;-)), but I do think at the moment you manifestly express poetry, it becomes persuasion, politics, dishonest … I prefer the liberating drive instilled by raw poetry:

// __ Días y Flores – Silvio Rodriguez
For example, SRod delineates how “te amaré” saying, … te amaré, como pueda, aunque no sea la paz, lo que queda, cuando acabe de amar … como siento, con adiós, con jamás, junto al viento, como único se … yet, he doesn’t say … ¡(ultimately,) –como soy-! …

// __ Silvio Rodríguez TE AMARÉ (HD)
Even when SRod se las da de muelero, there are strong poetic undercurrent going through his lyrics:

// __ “Si seco un llanto” (Silvio Rodríguez)
// __ Os anos pasan… si, a vida non. Silvio Rodríguez.wmv
Of course, SRod también escribió su mas que otra caquita muelera like that song about the girl and “su chapa HK en Febrero” …

The other day I had an unnerving conversation with my best friend (I’d never even imagined that I would have ever fell like putting down the phone while she was talking to me). I was telling her that “that woman’s @ss hasn’t still gotten out of my mind”, that, very disappointingly, even my own demons don’t mind her … I wouldn’t mind anymore that she kicked my heart (more like she has thoroughly trounced my ego!) … while my friend was just telling me:

: How beautiful that you fell in love!
me: what do you mean? … and by the way, this is not the kind of advice I need right now …
: Ach! Man, you just fell in love! How beautiful! Why are you fighting it?
me: listen … I see the beauty and good in it, but, right now …
: Don’t give me sh!t. Don’t start now hating your own feelings! I can tell why this is maddening to you, but don’t fight it, this is how people get grumpy and drive themselves crazy, become resentful … By the way, that happens to people all the time they get fixations with “celebrities” …
me: she is my “celebrity” you said?
: Who knows? You may run into her one of these days …
me: whatever … you are not listening to me and you don’t know what you are talking about …
: How beautiful that you fell in love! …

When she used to be my girlfriend she was double timing me and a Cuban painter (Pozo) and when I asked her how did it feel, she would just tell me: “you are -so- different!”. To me it felt like she was telling me: “you are so different that I feel like I am having sex the all men”. Imagine how “different” we are that when he applied for EU passport they refused his application telling him he had to send a picture of himself! He wrote back assuring them there were his own pictures! LOL ;-). Once I mildly suggested including another girl in a threesome and she slapped my face silly.

Now, it seems, we are the ones double timing her. She tells me she is “very worried about ‘us'” … even though she doesn’t feel like having sex with neither of us. That to her I feel now like some sort of triangulation between best friend, big brother she never had and protective dad … She was a big sister to her own brother and she tells me how he used to have involuntary erections when she bathed him: “Ach!” … ;-) she tells me, she kinds of feels the same about me now. That she loves me and I am one of the people that she keeps in her mind, but she can’t “just have sex” with me.

Two weeks after that conversation, I called her again and she asked me: “Have you seen her?” However, by then I had already seen the good in what she was telling me. I was raised by a tough mother that made me think about matters a little boy can’t understand (like telling a 7 year old about Hannah Arendt’s “Banality of Evil”!). I kind of liked when teachers avoided me in school because they would let me (kind of encourage) cut out of school … but I also wondered why … “I wanted to understand”. There were other stoner kids in the school and the teachers related to them, just fine.

I remember, when I separated my wife (heavy involvement!) that I felt for a long time like there was a little Lynn inside of every woman waiting to jump out … until I “met” her and with so little, almost no “involment”, she put squarely, clearly showed to me how tired I was of being “tough”, how that seemingly “tough” shell is barely parapeting my deep longing for love … What I felt for her was so blindingly beatiful!

I am not stupid, totally blind to reality. I see interesting women out there, but they all feel a bit fake, like they are not her …

I know “it takes two to tango” and as much as I want for her to be my “tangoing partner”, I should respectfully accept she probably doesn’t give a f#ck. You can’t force feelings into people and in a sense, even if hurtful, I have always like that I am not a persuasive dog. Carlos Varela even if you try to shun it you will dream becuase deep down you know:

// __ Carlos Varela – Siete
and my niggah says:

// __ En el claro de la luna – Silvio Rodriguez
Entre las luces más bellas
duerme intranquilo mi amor
porque en su sueño de estrellas
mi paso en tierra es dolor.

Mas si yo pudiera serle
miel de abeja en vez de sal
¿a qué tentarle la suerte
que valiera su soñar?
I remember once friends told me “they were looking for me”, that “they were visiting gyms, where girls with money, their own apartments … were asking for ‘more’ of ‘your kinds of boys’ …”

I told them I would rather come to “la Favela” even though I would go there for more than 6 months every single Tuesday looking forward to seeing her …

I didn’t tell them I would rather deal with “esas diablas” … porque son las que me hacen soñar. Fine!, but, then stop whining! ¡Llorón! ;-)
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

$ date
Wed Apr 12 08:25:34 UTC 2017

People do fall in love in maddeningly sublime ways (it may just be a sign of irrational healthiness and/or cry out for hopefulness of your mind). Except for her smoking habit, eminently rational, “Banality of Evil” Hannah Arendt related to us the crazy out of it all crush, which for whatever reason she developed on/towards (emming effing Nazi @ssh0l3) Martin Heidegger. They were professional colleagues (I think he was her mentor for some time), but still you wonder what could have gone on between those two. She was an intelligent, young and hot Jewish lady and he was an ardent Nazi. Were they perceiving another side of each other? Anyway, she had her “Queen for a moment” chance and she related that she almost fainted from just seeing him.

In a sense, getting sh!t is what I have been condition to be good at, so I would be ready for:

// __ Pablo Milanés & Carlos Varela – La felicidad (en el Karl Marx, 2001)
I would give off one of my balls to just have her in front of me fro 15-30 minutes and being able to listen to her voice clearly (I once just reached out to her and asked her for “just that” (I wonder what she thought of it (no I don’t like for people to fall in love with me if I cannot, or feel not like reciprocating their feelings/emotions, but I don’t shun them nor do I write off “emotionally trapped” people))). OK, if possible, I would like to also smell her breath and get a “taste” (just a quick, small lick) of the back of her neck, back of her ears.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
$ date
Wed Apr 12 11:08:30 UTC 2017

At times silly me likes to listen to songs/music, watch movies from the time and context in which my parents fell in love. Their grandchildren wonder: “what does grandma and grandpa have in common?” ;-)

Given its casting (Eduard Fernández, Ariadna Gil (¡Dios mío, qué mujer más integralmente hermosa!), Jorge Perugorría, José Luis Gómez …) that movie would be great anyway. It reminds me of my semi-gangster revolutionary dad. So, I watch it when I miss him. However when “my dad” kisses “her”, it is actually me doing so ;-)

// __ Hormigas en la boca 2004 Mariano Barroso
I thoroughly loved Gil’s role as supposedly mean lady cornered in a very uncomfortable situation by being a mother of her small son, her psychopathic husband and Martín (for whom she still had feelings!). I love how she was assertive and didn’t let either outer or inner sh!t shake her around: “¿cómo puedes odiarme tanto?”

I think the general poetic line of that movie is that reality (not quite quantum mechanically, but semantically and situationally) is multiverse. Everybody is so deep in their own pit dealing with their own illusions, demons and b#llsh!t, that only such a crazy, divinely mad thing as love dares to attempt to get people’s minds out of their own @sses.

I think ultimately Martín, after coming all the way from Barcelona/Spain to Havana/Cuba and finding her, clearly sees that. When Laura tells him. “Me voy por él (her son) Martín. Quiero que tenga otra vida. ¿No harías tu eso por tu hijo?”. Martín: “Me he pasado toda la viva intentando cambiar el mundo, cuando es tan difícil cambiar a una persona”. His heart clearly saw that he really wasn’t trying to get back the money after all, but -her-. He then let go of it all (in not quite a Hollywoodesquely “happy end”).
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
$ date
Wed Jun 28 15:51:19 UTC 2017

Nothing like those boleros rompe corazones of those times, when your parents fell in love!

// __ Vocal Sampling – Sabor a mi.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
$ date
Sat Aug 12 02:55:49 UTC 2017

después con el tiempo me di cuenta que hubiera resultado mejor que siguiera de cobarde

// __ Acerca de Ojalá – Silvio Rodriguez
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
$ date
Tue Sep 5 17:25:08 UTC 2017

// __ La felicidad: Pablo Milanes
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Iceweasel/Firefox browser JS console: The Intercept …

June 25, 2014

[22:11:01.243] Unknown property ‘zoom’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.263] Unknown property ‘box-sizing’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.272] Expected media feature name but found ‘-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio’. @
[22:11:01.281] Expected media feature name but found ‘-o-min-device-pixel-ratio’. @
[22:11:01.289] Found invalid value for media feature. @
[22:11:01.307] Unknown property ‘transition’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.394] Unknown property ‘-moz-background-clip’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.658] Error in parsing value for ‘background’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.695] Error in parsing value for ‘filter’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.721] Error in parsing value for ‘position’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:01.774] Unknown property ‘word-break’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.000] Selector expected. Ruleset ignored due to bad selector. @
[22:11:02.021] Unknown property ‘background-position-x’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.496] Unknown property ‘box-sizing’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.530] Error in parsing value for ‘cursor’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.596] Error in parsing value for ‘filter’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.631] Unknown property ‘zoom’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.679] Error in parsing value for ‘text-decoration’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.747] Unknown pseudo-class or pseudo-element ‘selection’. Ruleset ignored due to bad selector. @
[22:11:02.780] Error in parsing value for ‘white-space’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:02.829] Error in parsing value for ‘display’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:07.792] downloadable font: format not supported (font-family: “Open Sans” style:normal weight:normal stretch:normal src index:0)
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[22:11:07.865] downloadable font: format not supported (font-family: “PT Serif” style:normal weight:normal stretch:normal src index:0)
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[22:11:07.939] downloadable font: format not supported (font-family: “Open Sans” style:italic weight:normal stretch:normal src index:0)
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[22:11:08.001] downloadable font: format not supported (font-family: “Open Sans” style:normal weight:bold stretch:normal src index:0)
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[22:11:11.708] Unknown property ‘box-sizing’. Declaration dropped. @
[22:11:13.063] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 81ms]
[22:11:13.091] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 105ms]
[22:11:13.131] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 50ms]
[22:11:13.209] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 62ms]
[22:11:15.409] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 2757ms]
[22:11:15.435] GET [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 2804ms]
[22:11:15.471] GET×768&utmvp=1009×392&utmsc=24-bit&utmul=en-us&utmje=1&utmfl=-&utmdt=How%20Secret%20Partners%20Expand%20NSA%E2%80%99s%20Surveillance%20Dragnet%20-%20The%20Intercept&utmhid=1246817662&utmr=-&utmp=%2Ftheintercept%2Farticle%2F2014%2F06%2F18%2Fnsa-surveillance-secret-cable-partners-revealed-rampart-a%2F&utmht=1403734267636&utmac=UA-47433773-1&utmcc=__utma%3D238902935.2089675309.1403734153.1403734153.1403734153.1%3B%2B__utmz%3D238902935.1403734153.1.1.utmcsr%3D(direct)%7Cutmccn%3D(direct)%7Cutmcmd%3D(none)%3B&utmu=q~ [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 25ms]
[22:11:15.522] GET*Article)&utmcs=UTF-8&utmsr=1024×768&utmvp=1009×392&utmsc=24-bit&utmul=en-us&utmje=1&utmfl=-&utmdt=How%20Secret%20Partners%20Expand%20NSA%E2%80%99s%20Surveillance%20Dragnet%20-%20The%20Intercept&utmhid=1246817662&utmr=-&utmp=%2Ftheintercept%2Farticle%2F2014%2F06%2F18%2Fnsa-surveillance-secret-cable-partners-revealed-rampart-a%2F&utmht=1403734267650&utmac=UA-47433773-1&utmcc=__utma%3D238902935.2089675309.1403734153.1403734153.1403734153.1%3B%2B__utmz%3D238902935.1403734153.1.1.utmcsr%3D(direct)%7Cutmccn%3D(direct)%7Cutmcmd%3D(none)%3B&utmu=6~ [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 25ms]
[22:11:15.562] GET×768&gt_ms=103 [HTTP/1.1 200 OK 3213ms]